Deciding who to invite to a wedding can be a very stressful process. Many couples feel obligated to invite people due to pressures from their family or peers. And sometimes there will be disagreements over the number of potential invitees since the bride and groom have different approaches to their decision making. So how do you reach a consensus and figure out who makes the list and who doesn't?
To create an invite list, I first recommend the bride and groom go off on their own and determine who they would like to attend (along with some parental input re: relatives and close family friends). Then the two of them should combine the lists into one and go through some basic questions together to classify each person into the following bins: Must Invite, Back-up List, Remove from List. Here are some questions that may help with this process:
- How long has it been since you last talked to this person? If this is a person you only "talk" to in a yearly Christmas card, or you haven't seen them in several years (even if they were your "best friend" at the time) chances are they aren't close enough to you now to be invited to your wedding.
- Are they mutual friends? If not, how much does this person know about the person you are marrying? If the person is a good friend, they should know quite a bit about the most important person in your life.
- Are you only inviting them because they invited you to their wedding or you were in their wedding years ago? Friendships can change over the years so it's perfectly appropriate to not invite someone whose wedding you attended several years ago (even if you were a bridesmaid).
- Would you call this person after the birth of your child? If you'd call them in person they definitely should be invited. If they're someone you would add to a mass distribution e-mail they should be on your back-up list. If you would just let them find out on Facebook or MySpace they shouldn't be invited.
- Are you inviting them just because they're a co-worker and you're afraid of hurting their feelings? You should only invite co-workers if you consider them to be a close friend. One way of putting this into perspective: When was the last time you spent time with this person in a social setting - outside of work?
- Has this person met both of you? If you have been together as a couple for two or more years, everyone on your wedding invite list should have met your fiance at least once.
- If you are planning to exclude children from your event, will this person understand your desire to have an adult-only wedding? It's perfectly appropriate to ask guests to leave their children at home. However, most sites recommend being very clear with this desire since some people don't understand etiquette. In other words, you should leave the children's names off the card when addressing the invitation -and- have "Adults Only" printed on the details for the wedding &/or reception.
- Overall, couples should remember their wedding is an intimate celebration to be shared with people who mean a great deal to them and who have made a positive impact on their lives. If someone on the invite list does not fit this bill they definitely shouldn't be invited!
Should you be invited to my wedding?
By Audrey Irvine
(CNN) -- One of my girlfriends recently got engaged. Before we could even bask in her happiness, the conversation turned to the dreaded guest list. Fun questions like, "So, honey, do we have to invite your great aunt, whom you haven't seen since you were 10?" So, who should get an invite?
Too often, women are pressured into inviting way too many people to their weddings out of a sense of obligation. Parents, prospective in-laws and grooms can turn a simple wedding into a grand affair.
And as soon as that engagement ring catches her eye, that occasional lunch acquaintance feels entitled to share in your happy nuptials. Then you realize too late that the majority of people at your wedding don't really know you or what has been going on in your life up until your big day.
This quiz is something I shared with friends years ago and feel inclined to share with other women.
Here are 10 questions couples can use to trim that guest list and weed out the people you really don't want at your wedding:
1) Name the city I'm living in now (Good one to weed folks out, especially if you have moved a lot. Don't use this if you've lived in the same place for 10 years).
2) Name at least two of my closest friends.
3) Name my current employer and my past employer (Again, if you've remained in the same job for 15 years, this does not apply).
4) Do I have any kids?
5) Do you know the name of my fiancé? Bonus question: Where and when did we meet?
6) Do you know where my parents are and whether they are still alive? (Imagine a friend at your wedding asking how long have your parents been married when they divorced years ago).
7) Name at least two of my hobbies.
8) How old am I? (My favorite is when family friends would query, 'Are you 28 now?" Imagine their surprise when I proclaimed, 'yeah, 10 years ago!')
9) Where did I go to college? (Some people might not remember whether you attended college or even graduated.)
10) Name my last boyfriend before this engagement. Bonus question: if you can name the last two and why we broke up. If you get the bonus question right, that might automatically get you in.
If you score 50 percent or below, you definitely are not getting invited. If you score barely over 50 percent, you are on the waiting list. If you score over 60 percent, you get an invitation.
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